Blurred Lines: An Invitation to Discuss Boundary Formation and Management for Teachers

In spring, 2013, Robin Thicke, Pharell, and TI released the chart topping song, “Blurred Lines” which discusses the courtship intentions for a woman who is currently in a romantic relationship with another man.  The premise of the song suggests that the woman is a “good girl” but that she wants to get “nasty” (sexually provocative) and be with the relevant suitor.  The concept of blurred lines also extends itself to teaching and education.


Some teachers struggle with their own blurred lines as it relates to their role as an educator for their students.  Because of the personal, emotional, institutional, programmatic and sometimes financial investment in students, teachers may become attached to their students in a manner in which they may not have anticipated.  This attachment pattern may come in the form of potentially inappropriate boundary violations including hugging students, giving gifts, curricular (e.g. discussion of morally and emotionally charged issues with vulnerable populations) and temporal infractions (e.g., providing one or more students with more time than others), emotional and power infringements, or improper communication (e.g., discussing or offering advice on personal issues) with students. 


Typically, colleges and universities address traditional boundary violations with policies that may respond to various forms of sexual harassment, coercion, and debilitative interpersonal relationships.  Oftentimes though, the teacher-student relationship evolves beyond conventional expectations and teachers find themselves extending their educational relationship beyond assumed parameters within and outside the classroom.  Policies typically don’t embrace the complexities of emotional and social navigation including dual relationships, codependence, and relational extraction.  Teachers are typically left to manage the educational, social, emotional, and cultural assumptions of themselves, their students, and the teacher-student relationship. 

In the light of the potential blurred lines that can develop between teachers and students, I extend an invitation to you to reflect and share about any of the following questions:
1. How do you build and maintain rapport with your students?
2. What personal information do you feel comfortable sharing with students?
3. Based upon your experience or what other teachers have shared with you, when do lines become blurred with students?

Finally, for amusement, below is a video link of last summer’s sensation, “Blurred Lines.”  :)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yyDUC1LUXSU

“Getting There”: Reaching Your Orgasmic Potential

I was recently asked by a national print publication about my thoughts about sexual intimacy and intensifying orgasms and I wanted to share a few tips with you to help you “get there” when you are by yourself or with your “Boo”. Too often, we become so fixated on having a mind blowing, earth shattering, toe curling orgasm that we forget how nice it can be to be teased, touched, enticed, caressed, taken, enthralled, and compelled sexually. Sure, chandelier-hanging sex “til the cops come knockin” is cool but for many people, the challenge of reaching orgasmic ecstasy remains elusive. Here are a few tips that you may want to consider: 1. Be present. Be "in the moment" and try not to think about work, kids, bills, or the challenges of life. Focus on what feels pleasurable for you. 2. Be patient. Trying to rush your climax may only delay it from happening. Give yourself as much time as you want to enjoy being sexy for yourself and/or for your partner. 3. Be creative. Having only one way to "get there" may get old over time. Be willing to experiment with different positions, different times of the day, various places, and using toys. 4. Be free to be you. Know what turns you on/off. Do you like seductive talking? Maybe wear sexy clothes? Do you prefer the lights on/off? Firm or soft body caressing? Does spontaneity turn you on? Figure out what it takes you "there”. 5. Be willing. Be willing to teach your partner about what you like and what you don’t like sexually. Your partner isn’t going to know unless you tell him/her what is sexy and pleasurable to you. Some people prefer to be passionately kissed on their neck while others prefer to have their thighs, calves, and feet caressed. Tell your partner what feels good and be willing to even show him/her what turns you on. The biggest challenge for my many of my clients is being comfortable with their own bodies. Oftentimes, people feel shameful about their size, shape, or way that their body moves and this prevents them from surrendering themselves sexually to their partners. Healthy relationships involve talking about how you feel about your body as well as how it impacts your sexual experience. Consider sharing with each other what you like sexually, what you think about sexually, and how you feel as a sexual being in order to develop a deeper sense of intimacy. Finally, you and your partner should take time out to discuss sexual expectations (e.g., frequency, protection from unplanned pregnancy and STIs, positions, etc.) for yourself and your relationship. Remember that your best sexual organ is your brain and that the dirty four-letter word that most couples fail to address with regards to sex is…TALK. Dr. James Wadley is an Associate Professor and Director of the Master of Human Services Program at Lincoln University. He’s a licensed professional counselor and marriage, family, and sexuality therapist in Pennsylvania and New Jersey.