Tweet, FB, or Link me to sex or love me....

Tweet, FB, or Link me to sex or love me....

With the emergence of social media as a viable option for intimate expression, people have found themselves communicating more efficiently than ever to enhance and sustain both their professional and personal lives. Social media outlets and applications such as Twitter, Facebook, LinkedIn, and other internet “chatting/chat rooms” offer individuals an opportunity to network with scores of people who have similar backgrounds, lifestyles, orientations, and interests as well as develop friendships and relationships. There seems to be a website or social media outlet for everyone and it has impacted the way that individuals express intimacy to one another. To illustrate this point, I recently had a client who felt comfortable with sharing naked pictures by phone text messaging but was “afraid” to have a discussion with his potential partner about safe sex. I had another client who felt comfortable talking about her likes/dislikes sexually by chatting on the internet but thought it to be “unromantic” to talk about sex history and sexually transmitted infections with her partner in person. Moreover, I had a third client who only becomes aroused by receiving sexual commands via Twitter.

While the internet and social media have created a forum for people to have personal exchanges, it seems as if it hasn’t created the space for meaningful and healthy dialogue about sexuality and relational expectations. Profile pages that reveal only a few basic facts (e.g., true and untrue) about a person should prompt people to continue to ask question after question in order to get to know someone. Many people are quick to get a few facts, get relative information (e.g., email or phone number), and become intimate with someone who he/she may barely even know. If hooking up and having sex with you only takes a few tweets, text messages, emails, or picture exchanges, what does that say about the value that you place on yourself and your sexuality? SLOW DOWN!!!

Slowing down and taking time out to get to know someone across contexts can save you a lot of money, angst and trepidation at the health clinic, and possibly save your life. Anyone can present anything using social media and the internet. It typically takes weeks/months/years to really get to know someone and how they behave around various people (e.g., around your family, friends, co-workers, etc.), time periods, (e.g., weekends, holidays, leisure, work hours, etc.) and situations (e.g., when you/him/her are bored, angry, silly, etc. around each other).

Not sure what to talk about? Here are a five important items you may want to include in getting to know someone:

Have you ever had a sexually transmitted infection? If so, which one and how was it treated?
When was the last time you had unprotected vaginal, oral, anal sex?
When is the last time you got tested for a sexually transmitted infection including HIV?
How many partners do you currently have?
What happens if I/you get pregnant?
What do you consider “cheating” to be?

I suggest that the discussion with your potential/current mate should be in person rather than by Twitter or Facebook because you will want to see/experience the person’s body language/movement/expression when having this intimate discussion. Oftentimes, it is difficult to capture what was really intended in a Twitter or Facebook message. Give yourself a chance to learn and be informed about who your partner is. Slow down and give yourself a chance to be worthy of more than 140 characters….

Dr. James Wadley is an Associate Professor and Director of the Master of Human Services Program at Lincoln University. He is a licensed professional counselor and marriage, family, and sexuality therapist in the States of Pennsylvania and New Jersey.


Article submitted to www.healthyblackmen.org